The Dream

Dad has been offered a place on the company’s Bangkok team, senior management! Not only is there a substantial raise in salary, but a housing allowance and tuition at a top-notch international school. This is a step up the corporate ladder, a chance to save some serious money, and the opportunity to travel in Asia. Wow!

Mom is both excited and hesitant. She won’t be allowed to work, so will have to give up her job as a nurse; but there will be a housekeeper to take care of daily chores, and she will finally have time to pursue some of her hobbies, and maybe learn golf. Paradise!

Jon, who is 15, doesn’t want to leave his friends and his high school class behind, but Dad assures him that his new school has amazing sports facilities and is going to propel him into a great university. Mom promised he can take scuba diving lessons. He can still spend time with his friends back home on line, and they will continue gaming together. Jon read online that weed is legal there. Hmmm. Anyway, everyone says it’s a great opportunity, and he has to go.

The Reality (One Year Later)

Dad is working a 70-hour work week, and has to be on calls half the night for when the US office is open. He has almost no time to spend with the family. The amount of responsibility he shoulders has multiplied many times over. Golf is a distant memory. The driver has dented the car, again, and turns up late some mornings. Did he smell like alcohol the other day? His wife seems over whelmed even though she’s not working. When he does get home, she is complaining about the housekeeper, and says she is bored to tears. They seem to argue way more than they did at home. Jon is struggling with school work, so tutors had to be engaged. Dad complains, “I’m working my butt off for this family but nobody is happy.” Work is stressful; home is stressful.

Mom has made a few friends, but they don’t seem to have much in common. As a triage nurse, she made life and death decisions in the emergency room, now she feels like one of those “ladies who do lunch.” It feels meaningless. She is sure that the housekeeper is stealing food and cleaning products. Then one of the neighbors said, “Yeah, that happens.” Jon is finding school really difficult, and complains constantly that his friends have more freedom. Some of his friends have parents that allow the kids to drink beer or wine! All of the women around her husband at work are beautiful and single. Should she worry? She sees men her husband’s age with young Thai companions all the time. Mom is stressed out, and feels guilty for feeling stressed! This was supposed to be paradise.

Jon is having a hard time fitting in. The other kids seem so intense about school, totally focused on building a great university application. Back home was so much more relaxed. Now some of his friends back home are taking driving lessons, but he can’t. Many of the kids go partying at Khao San on the weekends and it sounds like they are having a lot of fun, but his parents say he’s too young and it isn’t safe. There are a lot of cliques at school but none of them seem quite right or very welcoming. Dad keeps mentioning that the family will now be able to afford the best universities. Will Jon’s grades be good enough? Jon is stressed out and wishes he could go home.

This is the expatriate syndrome!

Help is Available

Counseling helps with stress by providing a safe space to explore stressors, develop coping strategies, and gain insights into the root causes of stress, ultimately empowering individuals to manage stress more effectively and improve their overall well-being. PSI has the most experienced, highly trained professionals to help individuals and families cope with Thailand’s stressors.

-Daniel Boyd, MA, MS, CAS